Tales from Suva's worst neighbourhood

An unexpected part of my overseas adventure was inadvertently moving to the dodgiest neighbourhood in the whole country.  Thanks to the brilliant work of my In-Country Manager (the man whose job it is to make sure this doesn't happen) I now have a colourful collection of stories to share with you. 

If you know me at all in real life, you've probably heard enough of me talking about it, so I thought I would mix it up and share my tales of woe in the gentle Japanese art of haiku. 

Disclaimer: I suck at haiku.




Fortunately, I make up for it with my gazelle-like grace



So here you have it - my ghetto haiku, told in chronological order:



Leave for work, morning

Drunk follows me down the street

I CAN run in heels

 ...

Big night out, home late

Dammit, I’ve locked myself out

Guys yelling at me

 ...

Relax in the bath

Look out the window, surprise

Men's clothes everywhere

...

 Walk past mangy dogs
One hates me, run for my life
Is there rabies here?

...

Waiting for taxi

Cars drive slowly beside me

Chose the wrong outfit

...
Taxi with Helga

She yells, "Where are the brothels?!"

Turns out, everywhere

...

On my way to work,

Man takes a wizz on the street

Dude, I see your wang

...

Work out at the gym

Get home, water main’s kaput

Go to bed sweaty